Its funny, I started this new blog because I wanted to write more about our life- which obviously Madeline is a big part of - but I wanted it to be more inclusive of us as a family, not just Maddie Happenings. Yet it seems like every entry is about Madeline- which is OK, but it kind of brings up a few things for me.
Motherhood hit me hard. Everyone says it changes you, your life is never the same, blah blah blah, but of course no one can prepare you for even 1/10th of what it is actually like. I stopped one life on a Friday and by Monday I began an entirely new one, a stay at home mother. I am thankful to be able to spend so much time with my daughter, but I really feel as if I've lost myself in the past two years. Physically, I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. Carrying around some extra pounds, dark hair, wrinkles. My mind has lost some brain cells, I am forgetful, slow thinking and stumble over words. I am unorganized and it drives me crazy. I am more socially awkward than ever, not feeling like I have anything to contribute to a conversation- Bascially I've been pretty hard on myself, and maybe I should be, maybe I shouldn't. Its just what has been going on. My problem is I think too much and overanalyze every.little. thing.
I haven't posted in a while, I've been having sort of Bloggers Block , if you will. I felt a little funny just posting pictures, of which I have a million, without getting this out. It was like ignoring the elephant in the room, and even though most of you have no idea there's an elephant in the room, I do. I'm kind of getting this out to push him out , to acknowledge an imperfection and a struggle I'm having. I'm not sure how to get 'back' to where I was, or even if thats possible.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have ever felt this way, and there have been plenty of times in my life where I've been unsure of myself, I guess its just disheartening to have it happen at my age.
So thats me and where I am. For those of you that came here for Madeline pictures, I've got a ton of them, stay tuned.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I could have written that word for word. I have to think to myself sometimes that one day, my kids will remember me being with them during childhood. They'll remember the little stuff that is so hard for us as mothers to do on a daily basis. Yes, you're totally right, sometimes you don't feel as if people "care" about your adventures as a SAHM or think that your life only revolves around your Madeline. But, when we look at the big picture, this is such a small fraction of their and our lives that we get with them and we can never ever get that back. Everything we do as moms will be inbedded in them and will shape them to be the person they'll one day become. Yep, it's hard but know, all to soon, Madeline will be suddenly 5 and 10 and then 22 and you will never regret being able to soak in every minute with her like you have. You're doing a great thing for both her and yourself. Be proud.
Oh, that parallel universe we live in. :o)
Jill (JPickles)
Post a Comment