Bubbles

This girl still gets a kick out of bubbles. Especially when the wind blows hard and you don't have to actually blow them. She squeals with delight... so very exciting!

As I type this I am hoping my mother is home from the hospital. She was admitted Friday for pancreantitis. Then they said it was diverticulitis. Then it was gallstones and preparations were made to remove her gall bladder. Then , they said it was none of those things- it was a big ulcer, so they were treating it and would release her. Wait, they said, its actually all of those things. And she is recovering from knee replacement surgery which seems to be giving her the least trouble out of everything. Go figure. When I spoke to her this morning, she was waiting to hear if she could go home today. They have to let the ulcer heal before they can tackle the gall bladder. (**update- she just called- she's home- yay!**)

We had a nice low key Memorial day. Steve , Debbie and the kids came over ('Sammyemma" as Maddie calls them) we went to the park and stopped for pizza. When we got there, I decided Maddie was in no condition to be out in public, waiting for food... so they got the pizza while I drove back to the house. Oh my god, all I heard on the way home was " Sammyemmasammyemmasammyemmasammyemma". Screaming it, tears everywhere, the poor girl. Finally they arrived back at the house and all was well in Maddies world.

Pizza and cousins... does it get any better?

Lucky

Every once in a while, during an American Idol commercial break, I'll flip to the Supernanny. Usually the kids are older, the Dad works a lot and the mom has discipline issues with the children. Jo Frost sets them straight within a few days, they see the light and she flies back to the UK with her umbrella and plum colored suit. Last week, I truned it on and it really got to me( disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing, so that would explain the emotional investment and the tears). There was a two year old girl, same age as Madeline, and the mother 'put her to bed' I use quotes because the bedtime routine consisted of;

-putting the girl on the parents bed, lights on

-giving her a sleeve of crackers and a can ( yes a can!) of cheese

-turning on the TV to a program about gang violence

Jojo had a fit of course, and promised to give the 'pair of them(the parents)' the business the next day. Where was the bathtime? Where was her own bed? Why was she watching a show about gang violence? Why wasn't she reading her a book ?

By the time she left a few days later, said toddler was in a bed, mom was reading her a book and snuggling... but I wonder if it lasted when the cameras packed up and went home.

Now, granted I don't have 6 kids like this family did. I've got one, so its pretty manageable to give her a bath, brush teeth and sit in a rocking chair and read her Curious George and the Bunny. But it really made me sad- like really sad for all the kids in the world that don't have a mother who snuggles and reads them a book, or a daddy that checks in on them when he gets home from work. Or parents that don't think everything their kids do is wonderful- like Greg and I both did and like we do about Madeline. I hate to use this word because it doesn't seem fitting - but we were lucky, Madeline is lucky, all my nieces and nephews are LUCKY to have such great , loving parents. It shouldn't be luck, it should be a given, but its not. So Happy Belated Mothers day to you Mom, Maryann, Debbie and Christina. Thank you all for being so wonderful to my family. We're all very lucky.

Speaking of Mother's Day, we spent it at the Planting Felids Arboretum. I wanted to get a few shots of Madeline ,but man, is she active. There was a little of this :

Some of this:And a whole lotta this...But I did manage to capture some Essence of Maddie pictures
And one of me and my girl, Mother's Day 2008

Elephant in the Room

Its funny, I started this new blog because I wanted to write more about our life- which obviously Madeline is a big part of - but I wanted it to be more inclusive of us as a family, not just Maddie Happenings. Yet it seems like every entry is about Madeline- which is OK, but it kind of brings up a few things for me.
Motherhood hit me hard. Everyone says it changes you, your life is never the same, blah blah blah, but of course no one can prepare you for even 1/10th of what it is actually like. I stopped one life on a Friday and by Monday I began an entirely new one, a stay at home mother. I am thankful to be able to spend so much time with my daughter, but I really feel as if I've lost myself in the past two years. Physically, I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. Carrying around some extra pounds, dark hair, wrinkles. My mind has lost some brain cells, I am forgetful, slow thinking and stumble over words. I am unorganized and it drives me crazy. I am more socially awkward than ever, not feeling like I have anything to contribute to a conversation- Bascially I've been pretty hard on myself, and maybe I should be, maybe I shouldn't. Its just what has been going on. My problem is I think too much and overanalyze every.little. thing.

I haven't posted in a while, I've been having sort of Bloggers Block , if you will. I felt a little funny just posting pictures, of which I have a million, without getting this out. It was like ignoring the elephant in the room, and even though most of you have no idea there's an elephant in the room, I do. I'm kind of getting this out to push him out , to acknowledge an imperfection and a struggle I'm having. I'm not sure how to get 'back' to where I was, or even if thats possible.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have ever felt this way, and there have been plenty of times in my life where I've been unsure of myself, I guess its just disheartening to have it happen at my age.
So thats me and where I am. For those of you that came here for Madeline pictures, I've got a ton of them, stay tuned.